As a part of my morning meditation, I try to clear my mind.
I pray…….”here I am Lord”…… then I listen.
In a way, I am standing before God…….. waiting for a word……. wisdom, instruction, maybe even a command. Sometimes I hear nothing……. sometimes an idea pops into my head. Many of these ideas end up in this blog. I’m not saying that they came from God…….or even that they are correct……. though I try to follow him. These ideas are not really even the point of today’s post……… rather, today I’m focusing on how it feels……….how it feels when you try to approach God.
So………..What do I feel when I stand before God?
Love
Respect
Safety
Hope
Fear
Weakness
Thankfulness
Humility
Gratitude
Flawed
Undeserving
These are the emotions that I begin my day with today.
I spent many years ignoring God. I don’t believe I ever denied him……..I just pushed him off into a corner where I could keep a lid on him……..keep him from causing me any trouble.
Functionally, I was living life as a secular humanist. If I can reconstruct how I felt as a secular humanist it would look like this.
Powerful
In control
Smart
Competent
Skilled
Better than my fellow man
Deserving
Righteous
Entitled
As I look at these two lists, the second one is in many ways more appealing……….it certainly sounds like more fun. I can see the appeal of secular humanism.
As a secular humanist, the key feature in my life was this:
I got to do whatever I wanted. Whatever I said was right……was right. When you live your life on list 2, nobody gets to tell you anything.
I was smart and successful……… usually, when I did what I wanted, it turned out well…….. sometimes, not so much. I remember bring proud of myself and of my achievements. What I don’t remember is being happy. In fact I was lonely. I don’t remember being satisfied. In fact, the more I got………the more I achieved……….the more I wanted. The harder I pursued my appetites, the more my appetites grew. The list of things that I wanted stretched on forever……….there was no endpoint.
Somewhere along the way, I let God out of the corner. Slowly over the years, I moved from list 2 to list 1. On the surface, it looks like a step backwards. But here’s the trick……..I am happier and more satisfied now. My world now involves an endpoint, God, that is close……..and more important…….it is attainable. This is a big improvement over the endless series of acquisitions and achievements that I chased for years…….the string of desires and appetites that went on forever as far as the eye could see.
Why does list 1…….which looks weak…….beat list 2……..which looks like fun?
I think it is because it is true. I am happy and satisfied because I am living my life in the place that I was meant for. My destination, God, is close and achievable because it is correct.
Given the choice between a 66 Camaro (near the top of my list of appetites) and satisfaction…….I choose satisfaction. If I had chosen the Camaro, I’d probably want new upholstery anyway.
“for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.”
David, NIV