If you ask 100 parents what they want most for their children, 90 of them will say, “I just want them to be happy”. Most of what we do every day is aimed, directly or indirectly, at achieving happiness. So…..happiness is extremely important to us. Arguably, acheiving happiness is the greatest motivator in our lives.
What is odd, is that for something that we spend our entire lives pursuing, we really give happiness very little thought. Measured by how we pursue happiness, we really don’t even understand it.
So……what is happiness……..or, more to the point, how do we go about finding it? It is a bit more nuanced than you would think. It is not too hard to find someone who has acquired or done the things that we associate with happiness but who is unhappy. It is not too hard to find someone whose life has been stalked by tragedy but who is happy. I’m sure that we can both think of something that we have done…..or acquired that should have made us happy…… but didn’t.
I believe that there are three levels of happiness. We can pursue it on all three levels at the same time. But, more often, we begin at the simplest, most primitive level and then grow into more intense and satisfying levels of happiness……..at least some of us do. Unfortunately, a great many of us are so consumed with acheiving “entry level” happiness that we get stuck and never move on to greater happiness.
So…….entry level happiness:
This is the happiness of stuff and experiences. We identify some object or activity that looks appealing. We pursue it until we acquire it. Then we enjoy it……and we are happy. The trouble is that very quickly, the object/experience becomes normal…….and the happiness fades. We then choose another object/experience and pursue it. And we repeat this cycle over and over. The result is a series of waves of happiness interspersed with troughs of less than happiness. And some people spend their entire lives on that roller coaster. This is the guy who has a midlife crisis that the Corvette won’t fix. The best part of entry level happiness is that all we have to contribute……is money……and maybe some time. We don’t have to meet the needs of our stuff. We really don’t have to give anything of ourself.
Mid level happiness:
This is the happiness of relationships. We seek out like minded people and we become friends, husbands, and wives. This is far more demanding of us. In addition to money and time, we have to give a part of ourself to the other person. We have to take care of them. We have to meet their needs……in addition to meeting our own needs. The fact that this is much harder is evidenced by the fact the half of marriages end in divorce. Friendships don’t do much better. The beauty of the happiness of relationships is that, if we both pay our dues, we can enjoy a lifetime of happiness. A good marriage is the essence of this level of hapiness. The down side is that both of the people involved must contribute. Both people must make sacrifices. Both people must compromise. This also requires a degree of vulnerability.
Ultimate happiness:
This is the highest level of happiness…….the happiness of giving. It is a greater happiness than even a great marriage. But, the reality of it is that a really good marriage is suffused with the happiness of giving. This form of happiness is counterintuitive……..because it doesn’t require you to get anything back from the other person. If fact, the other person doesn’t even need to know that you made the gift. You give someone the gift of love, financial support, forgiveness, perhaps even your life. They may or may not reciprocate……or even respond. They may not even know. But, you will walk away happy.
The surest road to happiness……..is to love and care for another………even if they don’t reciprocate.
This is God level happiness…….Christ level happiness. This is the level of happiness that led Jesus to the cross……….to give us a priceless gift…….a gift that half of the people to whom it has been offered neither respond to, nor reciprocate, nor even acknowledge.
But, I can guarantee you this:
Jesus is happy.
‘There’s no misery in not being loved, only in not loving’
Rod McKuen
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
Jesus…..John, 15:13, ESV