The post this week is not going to be much fun.

It calls for some painful introspection.

I’m asking you to have a good hard look at who you are.

We are coming off of a period where our public conversation had become extremely coarse and angry…….in a word hateful.

And it needs to stop.

I always told my sons. “Focus on the part of the problem that you can control.” You have no control over the other guy’s heart. What you can control is the content of your heart.

We will never eliminate hate…….there are too many people out there who enjoy it or who believe that they can profit from it. Just spend a few hours listening to the “talking heads” on TV.

But, we can diminish it. We can do that by not contributing to the problem…..by not pouring gasoline on the fire. The first step in improving the situation is to honestly answer the question: “am I a ‘hater’?”

“Am I a hater?”

Stick with me here. On a first glance, nobody believes that they are a hater. But, the truth is that we all harbor a bit of hate.

Please understand that this is not a binary question. You can be a kind gentle person and still be a hater. You tell yourself that “I’m a good person……..I just can’t stand________(insert politician’s name).” What you are telling yourself is that there is an amount of hate………that is OK……..that there is a level of hate ……that is good. My hate for__________will make the world a better place.

I’m not talking about a civil disagreement……. I’m taking about name calling and attacking someone who sees things differently.

First, there are a few common characteristics of haters.

They believe they are right and they are highly confident.

They believe that they are justified in their hate.

They believe that people who don’t share their beliefs are evil.

They will not willingly assess themselves in these areas because their identity is deeply tried to these beliefs.

So back to the question.

It turns out that there is a fairly straightforward way to assess your level of hate. You can take a long hard dispassionate look at the things that you have said. If your public conversation over the last year is loaded with name calling, demeaning comments, wishing ill for someone else, then you probably are a hater……at least in that corner of your life.

When we make a disparaging, ‘hateful”, comment about another, we usually move on and forget it. Technology has, however, given us a useful tool. The internet never forgets. Pull up your Facebook page. Go back through your posts for the last year. Be sure to include posts from others that you have “shared”…… because by sharing somebody else’s post, you are endorsing it.

Please understand, it doesn’t matter if the hateful thing that you are spreading is true or not. This is about your heart. This is about your motivation. Is your intent to harm or diminish someone else?

We will all find things in our past that fall into the hate category. We all carry some anger and hate around. This exercise will give you an idea of how much of your public conversation is hateful.

Then you have to decide for yourself. Is the load of hate that I carry around…….the amount of hate that I spread around……. excessive?

Because here’s the thing.

No amount of hate is justified.

No amount of hate is good……..for others………for you.

No amount of hate………is OK.

Do the Facebook exercise. Then decide……can I improve the public conversation in our society…….by doing a better job of filtering what I say………by doing a better job of managing the thoughts that I allow myself to ruminate over……..by not allowing others to spoon feed their hate to me?

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Paul, NIV

Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

John, NIV

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Paul, NIV

 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

Jesus,NIV

At the end of my life……….I will look back.

I know that I will see things that I will regret. But I will also see things that will make me smile. I am much closer to the end of my life than to the beginning………that is likely the source of this post.

When we think about dying, I think that we often focus on judgement. Far too many Christians teach a brand of faith that focuses on death as a time when we are confronted by an angry God…….and we have to explain it all……..every last mis-step. We see the transition between this world and the world to come as a time when we have to answer for our misdeeds………and no doubt that will be an element of it.

But……..for the Christian…….for those who have accepted Jesus and his blanket of forgiveness, I think that this will be very brief……… the blink of an eye. We will not sit around dwelling on our mistakes. There will be no cosmic tongue lashing. The fact is, our misdeeds will be quickly and permanently erased from God’s memory……….and if they are erased from God’s memory, I believe that they will also be erased from our memory as well. The sadness and the guilt that we have been dragging around because of the mistakes that we have made……..will be gone. We will go through eternity without regrets.

Hard to imagine, isn’t it?……..a world completely free from guilt and regrets. I will remember the gifts and kindness that I have given my family and those around me. The anger and pain that I have spread……..will just be gone. My death will be the death of my regrets……….my joy and love will live on. As I consider it………that may very well be one of the best features of paradise.

This even goes one step further. The people that I have lost……my two sons………both Christians……..are living a life of joy and love…….. completely free from guilt and regret……right now.

I cannot change what I’ve done…….but I can try to balance the scales a bit.

So I will ask a question as I move forward:

“Will this choice make me smile………when I finally look back?”

Even more important

“Will this choice make Jesus smile………when he and I look back together?”

“This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds .” Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.”

Jesus, NIV

“For as high as the heavens are above the earth
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”

David, NIV

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” 

John, NIV

I have just finished reading “Wild at Heart” by John Eldridge……probably for the third time. I reread it about every ten years. The book is about manhood in general and about Christian manhood in particular. It includes side trips into a man’s relationships with his sons, his father, and his wife. It also deals with man and his relationship to God and the damage that we suffer at the hands of Satan……..and our own father. Each time I read it, I find it enlightening, but also challenging.

This is a vision of manhood that is not at all like the soft focus, Casper Milquetoast man that we usually associate with the church. The author is selling a fierce brand of manhood that flies in the face of our modern society’s call for a softer, tamer man. And yet, this fierce, wild, and yes…….dangerous man………rings true.

The heart of the book is the idea that a man has three great desires:

A battle to fight.
An adventure to live.
A beauty to rescue.

Eldridge also spends a lot of ink on the wound that we carry around……and we all carry one.

The manhood that the author describes, is complicated. In my own life, I find that I am a long way from his vision of a man. And yet, the three great desires resonate with me. As in many other things, I sense that these three desires are “hard wired” into me. They are “written on my heart”.

I believe that they are a part of a man’s makeup…….because they were put there……..by our creator.

I believe that they are there, because we were created in God’s image. God too………has a wild, fierce, and dangerous side. This is not his only side, but we lose a bit of ourselves if we deny…..or ignore it.

The book doesn’t entirely ignore women. There are some valuable insights into the female persona…….but this book is about men and for men.

If you are interested in having a good hard look under the hood……..at yourself……or at the man in your life…………this book will get you thinking.

 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua, NIV

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Gil Bailie

So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!”

Jesus, NIV

Dead……truly and completely dead.

Then alive……truly and completely alive.

I’m not talking about a trick, a mistake, a misunderstanding.

Resurrection…… specifically, the resurrection of Jesus.

Scientifically……..this just isn’t possible.

And that……..is the entire point.

Because the resurrection cannot be possible based on the rules of science, science and the resurrection are mutually exclusive…..not necessarily all of science, but certainly the part that deals with human physiology.

The resurrection divides the world into two camps. Science on the one hand and spirituality on the other. Either the world is limited to things that follow the current rules of science or there are things that are not governed by science. And I don’t mean things that haven’t been discovered YET. I mean things that are and will always be beyond the realm of science.

God, paradise, eternity……….and, yes, hell.

The burning question here is this:

“Does the spiritual realm exist?” Is this business about God, paradise, eternity and hell true?

This is arguably the single most important decision that you will make during your life. It deserves careful consideration.

Science tells us unequivocally that the resurrection was not possible. But, I think we can agree that it is intellectually dishonest to make a decision when we begin by discarding all arguments supporting one side. It would be like sitting on a jury……the prosecution presents its case……..the defense is ruled “out of order”…….and you are sent off to the jury room to deliberate. And yet, that is exactly what modern society expects you to do.

Bear with me while I make the case for the defense.

The argument for the resurrection:

Hundreds of witnesses on multiple occasions saw Jesus after the resurrection.

Hundreds of years earlier, writers in the old testament predicted Jesus and his resurrection.

If you honestly search your heart, you sense that there is an existence, a life, after your death.

If you look deep inside, you sense that this world doesn’t make sense……doesn’t work properly…….if science is all that governs us. You sense that there is a spiritual realm, with its own set of rules…….rules that are “written on your heart”. Science has no explanation for why we shouldn’t lie, steal, or murder. And yet, we know with absolute certainty that these things are wrong……even when we do them.

The argument against the resurrection:

It is scientifically impossible. This argument is dishonest. It is classical circular logic. The spiritual realm cannot exist outside of the scientific realm because the scientific realm cannot find it inside of the scientific realm. This argument may be dishonest….but it is all that there is and many, if not most, of us accept it.

I believe that the science vs. spirit conundrum is no mistake. I believe that God set this up…..a razor sharp division between two world views……two world views that are mutually exclusive. I believe that he intentionally left some ambiguity. He set this up so that we have to choose between his world and science based in part on faith, hope, and love.

I believe that he did this……..to find out who his friends are.

I proudly count myself among his friends.

Join me.

“I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

Jesus, NIV

“For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.”

Jesus, NIV

Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born.

Paul, NIV

We give gifts to one another…….at least most of us do.

Sometimes they are a big deal……. other times, they are almost an afterthought. So, how do you tell the difference between a big important gift and a small inconsequential gift? This is a matter of small importance when you are the giver. It is, however, critical when you are the receiver.

Recently, I bought a new hand saw. It replaced an old saw that was rusty and dull. The old saw still had a few years in it and it was a very convenient size. But, I was going to throw the old saw away…….instead, I gave it to my middle son. This is a good example of an inconsequential gift. It cost me nothing.

My oldest son was poor. For him to have more than a buck or two in his wallet was unusual. And yet, many times, I have watched him order a cup of coffee in a restaurant and leave a $2 tip. My youngest son suffered from a terrible debilitating neuropathy. Every step he took caused him excruciating pain. And yet, he went to work to support his family. The 100 yard daily walk to his office cost him a great deal. My middle son has a severe spinal cord injury. He could easily qualify as disabled, but he works hard to support his family. These gifts are huge. They are gifts of great consequence.

What is the difference?

The difference is the cost of the gift to the giver relative to what the giver has. In most cases, I am not talking so much about the cost in dollars…….but rather, about the personal cost…….in time, effort, thought……..and even in pain. These costs and the resultant value of the gift are clearly evident to the giver. They can be much less evident to the receiver. In fact, these costs are often ignored by the receiver. The result is that the receiver grossly underestimates the true value of the gift.

I have many times seen someone give a gift that cost them a great deal in terms of time, effort, thought and even pain…….and watched the receiver fail to appreciate the true value of the gift. This is heartbreaking……..and it is wrong.

It is quite possible to receive a gift of great value that has little or no dollar value. I would go further. The greatest gifts that you will ever receive typically have no cash value. The watercolors that my granddaughters give me are such gifts.

So…… what’s the point?

When I look at the gifts that I have been given……..I need to accurately assign them a value. Because, that value should dictate my response to the giver. That value must count the true cost of the gift…….to the giver…….and I don’t mean its value in a resale shop.

The most valuable gift that I have ever been given?

Paradise.

It is the most valuable, because of it’s true cost to the giver…….the torture, and murder, and death of the son of God, the creator of the universe.

I doubt that a lot of us accurately value that gift. If we did, we wouldn’t behave the way that we do. If you need help, watch Mel Gibson’s movie “The Passion of the Christ”.

Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts.  But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

Jesus, NIV

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Jesus,NIV

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Paul, NIV

At the end of my life……….I will look back.

I know that I will see things that I will regret. But I will also see things that will make me smile. I am much closer to the end of my life than to the beginning………that is likely the source of this post.

When we think about dying, I think that we often focus on judgement. Far too many Christians teach a brand of faith that focuses on death as a time when we are confronted by an angry God…….and we have to explain it all……..every last mis-step. We see the transition between this world and the world to come as a time when we have to answer for our misdeeds………and no doubt that will be an element of it.

But……..for the Christian…….for those who have accepted Jesus and his blanket of forgiveness, I think that this will be very brief……… the blink of an eye. We will not sit around dwelling on our mistakes. There will be no cosmic tongue lashing. The fact is, our misdeeds will be quickly and permanently erased from God’s memory……….and if they are erased from God’s memory, I believe that they will also be erased from our memory as well. The sadness and the guilt that we have been dragging around because of the mistakes that we have made……..will be gone. We will go through eternity without regrets.

Hard to imagine, isn’t it?……..a world completely free from guilt and regrets. I will remember the gifts and kindness that I have given my family and those around me. The anger and pain that I have spread……..will just be gone. My death will be the death of my regrets……….my joy and love will live on. As I consider it………that may very well be one of the best features of paradise.

This even goes one step further. The people that I have lost……my two sons………both Christians……..are living a life of joy and love…….. completely free from guilt and regret……right now.

I cannot change what I’ve done…….but I can try to balance the scales a bit.

So I will ask a question as I move forward:

“Will this choice make me smile………when I finally look back?”

Even more important

“Will this choice make Jesus smile………when he and I look back together?”

“This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds .” Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.”

Jesus, NIV

“For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”

David, NIV

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away .

John, NIV

A major league ball player’s batting average is the number of times he gets on base divided by the number of times he goes to bat. It is a measure of his success as a hitter. About one in three (.300) is considered very good.

When we pray, we praise God, we ask for forgiveness, and we ask him to do things. Today I want to look at how often God does what we ask him to. In a way, I want to look at God’s “batting average”. If I look back at my prayers throughout my life, the number of times God has fulfilled a prayer is surprising. But, there have also been times when I prayed very hard for something very important……..and God just sat there. I am certain that a great many people have abandoned God over an unanswered prayer.

A parent with a very sick child prays long and hard for healing……and the child dies. The parent says something to the effect of:

“God! Where were you when I needed you? Why did you abandon me? Why did you ignore me and allow this to happen? If I can’t count on you……..then I’m done with you. I’m out of here!”

There can be no doubt that God does not give us everything that we ask him for. But, what does that mean? Does it mean that God didn’t hear? That he didn’t care? That he doesn’t even exist?

As in many things, the situation is not that simple.

Imagine that you are a parent and your 6 year old is watching TV with a bowl of popcorn in his lap. It’s 9 pm. You say, “Bedtime!…..brush your teeth and hit the sack.” He utters his standard bedtime “prayer”…….”please, please, please, let me stay up…… I’ll sit here quietly, eat my popcorn, watch the rest of my show…….and I’ll just sleep on the couch”.

And his fervent “prayer” goes unanswered. At best, he is disappointed…….at worst, he is angry.

I have always found that my relationship with God is identical to a child’s relationship with his parents. By studying my relationship with my parents, I can better understand my relationship with God.

So……back to the unanswered prayer.

We all know what an unanswered prayer looks like from our side…….the side of the child. But, what does it look like from God’s side…..the side of the parent?

Here is what I believe:

God is there.
God hears your prayer.
God loves you with a love far greater than even your mother.
God looks out for your best interests……..over the long run.

So…..

God will fulfill your prayer……. if it serves your best interests…….and his………..in the long run………from his eternal perspective.

If God is silent. If he doesn’t fulfill your prayer. It is because he has another plan for you……..a better plan.

This is hard. It calls for patience. It calls for trust. It requires us to love God……..the same way he loves us.

I have had three sons. Two of them died as young men……just as their families were getting started. I don’t need to go into the pain that this caused. Shortly before they died, they both accepted Jesus.

From my perspective, the viewpoint of a child, their deaths were the greatest tragedies of my life. It would be very easy to be angry. It would be very easy to lash out at God……for letting me down when I needed him most.

But, from God’s parental perspective, this was a win…..both for him and for me. I will spend eternity with my sons…….in paradise.

From my side, God’s “batting average” doesn’t look so hot. But, from his side, it’s a different story.

I will trust God to manage my future……. understanding that his perspective……..his plan…….is much bigger than mine…….much better than mine.

I will trust that God will look after my interests better than I can.

Why?

Because he loves me……with a parental love that I cannot come close to understanding.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

God, NIV