Anger 2.0

April 2, 2023 70 Comments

It happens to all of us……just about every day. Something happens to us……someone does something…….or doesn’t do something. And we get angry. Sometimes we just sit and stew……..sometimes we act on our anger. We tell ourselves that we are seeking justice……or that we want to correct someone else’s behavior. But, the truth is, that, often, we just want to punish the other guy. We want to hurt him. Typically, we do this with words…….rarely with fists or weapons.

This week, I did something. I don’t believe that it was actually wrong. But, it enraged one of my neighbors. He walked 2 blocks out of his way to treat me to a “counseling session”. It was a very uncomfortable situation…….for me at least. This “counseling session” was very well crafted. It was delivered in a raised tone of voice and the subtext was…..”you are a complete moron”. It included a veiled threat of retaliation. I sensed that he was very skilled at doing this……..that he probably got a lot of practice. And I began to reflect on anger, my anger, and what it does to those around me. More importantly, I began to consider what my anger does………to me.

There are people who are just angry people. Fortunately, these people are rare. We generally arrange our lives to avoid them as much as possible. They often find themselves socially isolated and I bet that most of them don’t ever realize why. This post is not really about them. This post is about situational anger. Something happens that harms us…….or inconveniences us……..or offends our sensibilities………or, even worse, offends our politics……and we get angry. You can easily experience this…….just tune in Fox or CNN……..for about 3 minutes.

This situational anger is a hallmark of our contemporary culture. How we deal with it will shape our experience of life.

What to do?

The first and simplest step is to avoid the situations that trigger your anger. I generally avoid politically motivated TV networks……like Fox and CNN……even when I agree with what they are saying. Sometimes, however, this is just not possible. Perhaps your boss is one of those angry people and you really need the job…….or someone goes out of their way to confront you…….or to punish you for some misdeed……..real or perceived.

So……in spite of your best efforts, a situation develops……and you find yourself becoming angry. Here are some basic facts about anger:

Using anger to respond to the other guys anger NEVER works.

Using anger to promote an idea that you are committed to NEVER works.

It is not possible to be angry…….and happy……at the same time.

Anger will shorten your life.

Every minute that you spend angry is lost forever……..each angry minute is effectively subtracted from your life.

Your anger at your fellow man distances you from God.

Anger defeats Christianity’s second rule: “love your fellow man”.

From a practical point of view, I have decided to try to use the “Meltzer filter”. Before I speak, I will ask myself……is this thing that I am about to say……. true, kind, necessary, and helpful.

After a week of trying this, I find that I don’t say nearly as much as I used to.

For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

James, ESV

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

Jesus, ESV

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