When I was a kid, one of my mom’s recurrent lines was:

“If Sammy jumped in a mud puddle, would you?”

Sammy was my friend and we had lot of fun. And we landed in our share of mud puddles. Fact is, I think that Mom had forgotten how much fun mud can be. I’m 66 years old now and generally avoid mud. In looking back, mom was right. But, today, I hear lines that are the opposite of Mom’s line often.

They go something like this:

“OK, yes, I used the handicapped parking spot………but lots of people do.”

Or

“Yeah, I let my kids watch half dressed people on TV…….but it was on network TV in prime time.”

Or

“Abortion is legal…..I won’t interfere with the choices of others.”

What it comes down to is this……. Mom was right. Just because “everybody is doing it” ………doesn’t mean that it’s right. I had my own version of Mom’s line. In these situations I used to tell my sons “that makes it common……..it doesn’t make it right”.

We live in a world where two things are happening.
There are people who are working very hard to make things common that were once wrong. The result of this is that we have come to accept as normal things that are not good for us. Then we are told to be ”tolerant”…….in other words to sit down and shut up when somebody tries to tell us something that just isn’t right.

The media is complicit in this. The amount of murder and mayhem that we and our children ingest in one evening of prime time TV is amazing. The movies are even worse. There are images that harm me that are trapped in my head from movies that I watched 50 years ago……..from magazines that I looked at as a teen.

And we tell ourselves that it’s all okay…….. that it’s normal. And it is…….. normal that is……normal in the statistical sense that 95% of us do it. The trouble is that we have come to accept that ”normal” means OK………or even good. The fact is that ”normal or common” ………and “right” are completely unrelated. The first is statistical concept. The second is moral concept.

Just because it is common does not mean that it is right.

I believe in God as described in the Bible and I highly recommend Him to you.

But, even if you don’t believe in God, the Bible is still the best moral code that we have. It is far superior to the flexible “home brew” moral code that most of us use.

Love God
Love your neighbor
Don’t lie
Don’t steal
Don’t murder
Honor your parents
Sex is for husbands and wives
Don’t covet
Take the day off on Sunday

It is going to take strength of character to stand up for what is right……..in the face of what is normal. But, it is necessary….
in order to protect yourself. It is even more critical to protect your children and grandchildren from ”normal”. Because “normal”………is getting worse every day. Can you imagine what “normal” will look like to your grandchildren when they are adults? In my lifetime, we have gone from “Andy of Mayberry” and “The Walton’s” to “Criminal Minds” and the Joker. Where will Hollywood take us next?

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Paul, NIV

Every day somebody tells me something that just isn’t true. In spite of my best efforts, I probably say things that turn out to be untrue as well. Here is the bad news…… So do you.

So how do the things that we say……. that are not true…….. break down?

Some of them, hopefully very few, are outright lies.

Some of them are disagreements.

Some of them are honest mistakes.

I sometimes get called a liar in these circumstances…..and that is upsetting…….. because I try really hard to be truthful……even when the truth is painful.

What, then, is the difference between lies, disagreements, and mistakes…….and how do we handle them? This is especially relevant in our current, highly toxic, political conversation.

First, the lie. The lie has three characteristics all of which MUST be met and you must be absolutely sure. First, it is untrue. Second, the person who says it knows it is untrue. Third, the person who says it is intentionally trying to mislead you. Lies are out there, but, with the possible exceptions of advertisements, the practice of law, and politics they are not common.

Second, the disagreement. The issue of truth here is bit slippery. One or both parties may be right. One or both parties may be wrong. Neither party knows that they are wrong……if they are wrong. There is no intention to deceive.

Finally, the mistake. There is a factual untruth. The person who says it does not know that it is untrue. They believe it……. perhaps passionately. They often try very hard to convince you; but, because they believe it, there really is no intention to deceive.

How do we handle this mess?

The first step in solving any problem……..is to accurately identify the problem. When somebody tells you something that is possibly untrue, you have to accurately characterize it. You have to ask three questions:

Are you absolutely sure that it is untrue?
If it is untrue, are you absolutely sure that the other person knows it is untrue?
What is the other person’s motivation? Are they intentionally trying to deceive you?
These are difficult questions and they deserve serious consideration……..because labeling somebody a liar is serious business………and it happens far too often in today’s politics.

If all three conditions are met, then you are dealing with a lie and with a liar. You need to protect yourself and others from the liar. This must be done gently and with love and that is not easy. If there is any doubt about the three conditions, then you are probably not dealing with a lie….. but with a disagreement.

If only the first condition is met, then you are dealing with a mistake. You can ignore it or try to educate/correct the other person. This often doesn’t work so don’t get upset…….move on.

If none of the conditions are met……..and I have to emphasize the part that says ABSOLUTELY SURE……then you are dealing with a disagreement. You can discuss it. You can try to sell your argument. You need to listen to the other person’s argument. You will probably not resolve the disagreement. In that case you should drop it. Disagreements are the most common of the three…….and they often get labelled as lies, particularly in politics. The key point about disagreement is what you CANNOT do.

You cannot, get angry.
You cannot call names (liar, racist, hater, homophobe, misogynist, baby killer).
You cannot allow the disagreement to damage relationships.
In a word…….you cannot allow yourself to become a “hater” over a disagreement.

In short, you and I must learn to disagree with one another in a loving way. The first step may be to turn off your TV and computer. Because, in spite of what the politicians and the talking heads tell you, most of the things we are fighting about are disagreements, not lies.

I’m not naive……there are liars out there…… in both political parties. But, there are few of them…….and don’t kid yourself, they are evenly distributed on the left and right.

So….. let’s disagree…… passionately. But let’s do it with kindness and love. Our democracy demands it.

“If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Jesus, NIV

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Paul, NIV

As part of my morning prayer and meditation, I set aside a few minutes, sit quietly, and listen….. just in case God has something to say to me. I don’t hear a physical voice, but, sometimes an idea comes to me. Sometimes an entire post comes to me……………straight out of the blue. Sometimes, however, there is nothing. I invite God to speak…..and there is nothing. I wonder what in the world I will say this week. I wonder what God is up to. Where did he go? I worry that I will mess up and let everybody down……. that I will come up with something that comes from some source other than God.

Then it occurred to me. This probably happens to all of us. Some situation comes up in our life……..we need some guidance……..we turn to God……..and nothing happens.

Does this mean that God doesn’t hear…….that he doesn’t care……or worse….. that he doesn’t exist? I hear this a lot. Somebody is in crisis…..they pray…… they don’t get the response that they expected…….and they reject God.

I don’t know what God is up to…….when he is silent.

But I do know this.

God loves me. Not with a generic “one size fits all” kind of love…..but with a parental love that is specific to me. He is fully aware of my strengths…….and of my failures……my sin.

And he loves me……..still.

When was a child, my dad left the house and went to work…..seven days a week………10 to 12 hours a day. I missed his presence…….often I resented his absence…… sometimes I still do……swim meets that he didn’t attend…….the boy scout functions that he rarely attended. I miss the conversations that we didn’t have. But, I never doubted that he was hard at work taking care of me.

So……… what does it mean……. when God is silent?

It means that……just like my dad……he is hard at work taking care of me…… taking care of you…….even in his silence……even though I can’t see or hear him.

When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about a half an hour.

John, NIV

God didn’t speak to the prophets of the Old Testament for 400 years………then he sent us Jesus.

God is sometimes silent……..just before he does something big.

This calls for confidence in God’s love. It calls for trust that he cares and will make things right…….on his terms and in his good time. It calls for patience.

I know someone. She is smart, organized, she works hard and she treats you well……….. as long as she gets what she wants……. exactly what she wants….. on exactly the terms that she dictates. When she doesn’t get what she wants, she goes on the attack and she hurts everybody within reach……. ultimately, including herself. She doesn’t have a lot of friends…….. because sooner or later they all encounter her rage. They wander off in search of a friendship that is just a little easier………and safer.
Ultimately, her drive to get what she wants costs her…….. It costs her the most valuable thing in life……… relationships. When I think of her, it seems such a shame.

BTW, she doesn’t follow my posts…….ever……..so if you think that she is you……….she’s not.

Then I look around. She is an exaggerated example of something pretty common. I know a fair number of people who treat God much the same way. We start out in life with the best of intentions…….. everything is going well. Then one day something happens……… and we don’t get what we want. Our spouse leaves us……… Someone important to us dies……. We get sick….. Lose our job. Maybe we pray hard about it…….maybe not. Then, we don’t get what we want…….at exactly the time that we want……..on exactly the terms that we dictated. We end up in the same place. We wind up using the same phrasebook that she does: we say ” it’s not fair!” or “I can’t accept a God who would allow_________to happen!” In a word…… We get mad at God because we didn’t get what we wanted.. exactly what we wanted…….on exactly the terms that we dictated.

This would be completely appropriate, if we were the boss and God was our “personal assistant”. But, that…..of course……is not the case. God is the creator of the universe…….. our creator. And we are children. When we get mad and lash out at God, it is exactly the same as when our 2 year old throws a tantrum and dumps his strained carrots on the floor.

So………this post is about disappointment………and how we handle it. What do we do when the things that are happening in our life don’t line up with our “master plan”. What do we do when we want Cocoa Puffs and we get strained carrots.

We can throw a fit……….and the carrots……….or we can trust that our father, mother, and God love us and are operating with our long range well being in mind………even when God’s long range plan isn’t clear to us……even when it messes up our short range plans. And let’s face it……all of our plans are “short range”.

I have seen many triumphs and more than my share of disasters. My “master plan” went into the recycling bin a long time ago. It’s very easy to take credit for the triumphs and get mad about the disasters. But, if you accept the fact that God loves you and will take care of you over the long haul, then you develope an attitude of thankfulness……….and hopefulness……not just for your triumphs…….but also for your disasters.

And that is a very good place to be.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God, NIV