Spoiler alert…….. Today I may step on some toes. What I am suggesting here can be done by many families……… but, perhaps not by all.

I know a family. Mom and Dad both worked low wage, maybe even minimum wage jobs. They had a child and Mom decided to stay home and be a full time at-home mother. I looked at their financial situation……I thought that they were insane. The numbers just didn’t work according to my vision of what a modern family should have and be. They struggled for years. They did without things that we all take for granted. And…… in the process…… they raised a really fine son and he is now starting his family. They made a choice. They gave up a lot of material stuff and raised their son themselves. I’ve changed my mind. Looking back, their decision is one of the wisest and most unselfish I have ever seen. They chose relationship and family over stuff.

I grew up in the 50’s. My family, in retrospect, was comfortably middle class. I thought we were wealthy because we lived in a stone house. Go figure. We had a used car that ran most of the time, one black and white tv that worked most of the time, one room in the house that had air conditioning that worked most of the time, and 15 year old appliances. My dad worked and my mom stayed at home and raised me and my siblings. Today, a family living the way we did would be considered poor. Maybe………. but we were very happy……..we were rich.

The tv tells us that we “need” all kinds of stuff: 2 flat screen tv’s, two or three late model cars, 3 or 4 $500 cell phones, internet, cable tv, health club membership, membership on a “select soccer team”…… you get the drift. Having these things is the new “normal”. But, having these things usually requires a 2 income family. In other words, we have bought into society’s standard for a “comfortable” life and have accepted the 2 income budget that goes with it. In order to support this modern lifestyle, mom and dad both have to work….. often long hours….. often more than one job. In short, we have turned the job of raising our children over to strangers…..or worse…..to machines in order to have more and better stuff. But, I doubt that our modern families are any happier than the 1950’s family that I grew up in.

We talk about giving our kids “quality time”. But the truth is that we don’t get to plan what will become “quality time”. Our children will look back 10, 20 years from now and decide what the quality time was. And it won’t be the big party, the trip to Disney world, or the lavish Christmas. It will be the conversation at dinner, sitting in the back yard one summer evening, being there after the big breakup, the wordless hug, that first ten minutes after a disastrous day at school.

We can’t plan out an hour or two of “quality time” from 7 to 8pm on Tuesday night and execute the plan. The best we can do is give our kids a large amount of time and hope that some of it…… when they look back at what shaped them into adults ……. will have been “quality time”. This means that either mom or dad has to BE there…….a lot. I don’t think that it is critical which one. The work of “being there” is hard work…….it is emotionally taxing ….. and our society places no value on it.

We can’t give our children “quality time”, but we can give them “quantity time”……and some of it will turn out to be quality time. The truth is that the secret of creating quality time is to give our kids lots of time……lots of us. This job cannot be farmed out to a nanny or a day care………or a video game.

Greed is a prejudicial term. We usually apply it to people whose lifestyle is well above our own. Greedy people are bad…..right? But, there is a low level of greed that has become normal. Our very high, now normal, expectations of the stuff we should have has led us to also accept as normal the idea of turning the raising of our children over to strangers. We take ourselves out of our children’s lives so we can work, so we can fill our children’s lives with stuff.

New definitions:

Love your neighbor………. give your children your time and attention by raising them yourselves……… be there when they get off of the bus after a disastrous day at school. Talk to them more than the tv does. Throw large amounts of “quantity time” at them………. they will find the “quality time” in it.

Greed……….. give your kid a car….. give them the latest video game and a state of the art cell phone…..and throw in an hour of yourself………. from 7-8pm……. on Tuesday evening.

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”  And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

Jesus, NIV

Thank you Cindy…….. for the sacrifices that you made…….to give our sons your time……yourself…… both quantity time…….and quality time.

Let’s just get this out in the open.

I’m a mess.

And so are you.

Oh, I can come up with a long list of nice things that I have done. But, there’s another list that I don’t talk about so much……and it gets updated just about every day.

Anger, revenge, jealousy, dishonesty, exaggeration, pride, selfishness.

Even though I don’t share this list with others, I am acutely aware of it. I know that I have fallen short…….. today………and I will fall short again tomorrow. Any of this sound familiar?
As you probably guessed……we’re all in the same boat. Measured on God’s scale there really isn’t much difference between us. So………I don’t get to congratulate myself because I was nice for a while today……..and I don’t have to beat myself up because I was bad. Being a mess is normal. Being a mess is actually not the problem.

The real problem with being a mess is that we can start to feel unworthy. Oh, we won’t run around telling everybody how rotten we are. It’s much more subtle than that. Instead, we wonder if we really stack up…..if we even belong with all of those really great Christians we run into. We wonder if we will “fit in” in paradise……..even worse………we wonder if we will even enjoy paradise……. sitting around all day playing a harp.

Here are some facts to help you.

Those really great Christians…..you probably already guessed…… they’re a mess too. Don’t worry if their lists are better or worse than yours………there is no meaningful difference.

You will “fit in” in paradise because it’s going to be full of people just like you……. forgiven sinners.

Finally……. and best of all……paradise is going to be a lot of fun. I’m not a Bible scholar…….this is my best guess. You probably won’t have a harp…….a white gown…..a halo. You won’t spend your day sitting on a cloud singing hymns……although you will spend time praising God……..out of sincere gratitude and love. You will have a physical body and you will be in your prime……maybe in your 20’s. You will have a home. You will probably have a job………one that you really enjoy. But, most of all you will experience the joy of doing the one thing that you were designed for…… spending time with your creator.

I’m retired. As I write this, I’m sitting on my front porch. It’s a cool summer morning. Humidity is uncharacteristically low for Kentucky. There is a blue sky with white clouds. There is a nest of warblers singing away about 12 feet from me. All I can see is grass, trees, flowers, sky, and Jet…….the best Labrador on the planet. In a little while, I’ll put down my coffee, wander over to my shop, and build a table. I think that paradise must be something like this morning……..only better.

When I get there, I don’t know if I will still be a mess……..I think probably not. But, even if I am it will not be a big problem. I am so looking forward to it. If you are not looking forward to paradise, maybe you are carrying around the wrong picture of eternity.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

David, ESV

Spoiler alert:

This post is not suitable for your children and grandchildren. It may be disturbing if you are a secular humanist or an atheist, especially if you are under 30 years old. As they say “Parental supervision is recommended”.

Here goes.

We live in a world that is increasingly secular. This is especially true in the more “sophisticated” countries ……think Europe. Things are less secular in the “third world”. In his book “The God Delusion” Dawkins tells us that the really smart people are atheists…….and he has the numbers to prove it.

So…… I’ve been thinking about “what is the difference between Christians and our secular friends and neighbors”. I think that the difference boils down to hope.

For the Christian, I have heard it said that “we know how it ends”. It ends in paradise, living in a close relationship with a creator who loves us deeply. It ends with us living in a place where we just fit in, a place that we were specifically designed for. It ends in a place where we will finally…….. for the first time in our lives……. be completely satisfied.

In a word, we believe that a loving father…….the one who created us……the one who loves us just as any parent does…….. has us covered.

More and more though, the secular humanist, the atheist, also knows how it ends…… though most don’t think it through to its logical conclusion. The population of earth will double in 60 years to about 15 billion. The earth can only produce enough food to feed about 10 billion (and that is only if we all become vegans). The earth will continue to warm and Florida will flood. Our oceans will fill with trash and contaminated fish. Our groundwater will dry up. Southern California, the great plains and all of the other currently irrigated deserts of the world (the places that produce most of our food) will return to their natural states. And so it ends………with overpopulation, inadequate food supply, lack of clean water, starvation, drug resistant bacteria, pandemic, contaminated air, global warming, flooding, weather related catastrophes, widespread extinction, mass migration, wars over resources, and more…………all of this in spite of our best efforts as a species. Current science tiptoes around the fact that these things are, from a practical perspective, unavoidable….. that we are past the “tipping point”. And, believe it or not……… the horrors described above are the “best possible case scenario”. If you want the “worst possible case”, it could be something like instant sterilization of the planet by nuclear holocaust……or even worse………lingering death in a soup of nuclear contamination or some other form of contamination (carbon dioxide, methane, chlorofluorocarbons, fracked groundwater, micro-plastics………you choose) . For the secular humanist, the best possible outcome is global pandemic…………to die before “it all hits the fan”. But where does this leave his children……… her grandchildren?

The secular humanist will say that some (as yet unknown) technological breakthrough will save us. But this is a pretty thin reed……..and time is running out.

So……what is the difference between the Christian and the secular humanist?

I think it is the difference between hope and dispair. I hate to put words into the other guy’s mouth…….and to make broad generalizations. But, if you look around us, the angry people demonstrating in our cities are disproportionately secular. The people singing in our churches are disproportionately Christian. More and more, it seems as though the Christians are happy and hopeful, and the secular humanists are unhappy and worried about the future.

I can’t blame either of them.

I took my granddaughter to the park. She is an only child and loves to get a chance to play with other kids. She picks out a playmate and addresses him or her as “friend” all afternoon. She is….of course…..absolutely adorable.

This afternoon was unusual. There was a birthday party. All of the kids there were mentally handicapped.  I met a guy named Gary. We tried to have a conversation but it was tough. His handicap was pretty severe. He kept trying to tell me something about a broken TV. It sounded like he broke it and needed to get to Best Buy.

I am getting old and am starting to notice physical limitations myself. Pretty much everybody in my family has one handicap or another. The scene got me thinking about paradise and the promise of eternity with a “perfected” body. Eternal youth, no aches, no pains, no glasses……plenty of hair. Up until today, my vision of our bodies in paradise has been focused on my “perfected body” and how great it will be to be able to run again, to see clearly, sleep soundly, and to hear well. My vision of paradise has pretty much been focused on me.

But then it occurred to me. Gary will have a perfected body too. Gary will have a normal mind. He will be able to tell me his name, walk normally, play and work…….he won’t drool anymore. He will be able to tell a joke…….and enjoy one. The human being who has been locked up inside of a broken mind for a lifetime will be set free.

I want to live my life in such a manner that I can be sure that when Gary gets to paradise he will remember me as somebody who treated him with dignity and respect while he was trapped…..in a broken body……here in this world.

My challenge today is for all of us to treat the weakest, the most marginalized members of our community, those who cannot speak for themselves with dignity and respect…….and this includes the unborn………..so that when we meet them in paradise they will greet us with a hug……..and say “do you remember the day when you sat down and had a conversation with a guy who was broken…….a guy who was pretty much helpless, a guy who could offer you nothing?

I want to be worthy to be Gary’s friend in paradise.

We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed — in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality.  When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting ?”

Paul,  NIV

I recently heard a speaker, I’m not really sure where. He said “Don’t ever pray for justice.” I went back to my morning prayer list…….and there it was……a prayer for justice. My first reaction was that this guy is nuts………justice is a good thing…….a great goal. But then I thought about it for a bit. I realized that when I pray for “justice” what I am usually praying is for something good for me……….and a lightning bolt for the other guy. What I am praying for is my brand of justice……reward for me and revenge against the other guy. God’s will……..God’s justice is far from my mind.

If we make an honest searching inventory of the bad things that we have done……..and that would include every act in our lives that wasn’t love centered……..we would have to conclude that if there was true justice…….God’s justice, each of us would have been reduced to a smoking smudge on the turf a long time ago.

But, you say, I’ve done a lot of good. On average, if you add it all up, I’m a pretty good person…….and I’m way better than (fill in the blank). The trouble is that when you talk about justice, the good thing that you did last week won’t get you out of today’s speeding ticket. The fact that you were just passed by somebody going even faster won’t help either. In a completely just world, each act is rewarded or punished on it’s own merits. Each act is weighed on God’s spectrum of righteousness……..and that means that we are in big trouble. We just aren’t ready for justice……..and we never will be. The speaker was right. If we pray for justice…..and God if answers that prayer…….then there will be nothing left but a couple of billion little scorched spots.

I dropped the prayer for justice from my prayer list. In its place, I am reminded of the “Prayer of Jabez”

“bless me indeed and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from the evil one”

Jabez, NIV

This is, at its heart, a prayer for blessing and for mercy.

So instead of praying for justice, I added a prayer for mercy. This changes the entire focus of the prayer……..now rather that praying for God to zap the other guy for his misdeeds, I am praying for God to forgive me for mine. I am still trying to level the field; not by taking down the other guy but rather by changing my behaviour. I am focusing on improving myself rather than wrecking the other guy. This seems a lot more in line with the command to love others.

Focus not on punishment for the other guy but on forgiveness for yourself.

Focus not on the crimes of others but rather on your own failures. After all the only thing that you can control…….is what you do.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Paul, NIV